Principles for a good life

  Let's start with my and my third daughter's story. We had quite a few situations where she started using violence, being very small, about three years old, both with her siblings and with us. We tried some methods that worked for us with the big ones (which in retrospect I was quite sorry I used, since they are "violent" methods by definition, like time-out, shouting and the like). It did not work with her. At all. She was "stubborn" and "opinionated", and did not give up, so in all the "wars" with her in the known tactics, we did not succeed. She would get to extreme situations where she would beat, shout and was very angry, and we could not calm her down.

 

Until I tried this language with her. At first it was hard, and I was frustrated as I had a very hard time breaking free from my old patterns, dealing with my anger. So I was not really in a place where I could contain her. It took a lot of self-practice until I got to a containing place, and there I was able to see her with empathetic eyes, see her difficulty, translate her feelings for her, and guess her needs. Once that happened, we reached a place of complete trust, she knew that every problem had a solution together. Even though it still takes her time to open-up, even in adolescence, this tool proves itself time and time again just like magic.

 

When she was in fourth grade, I decided to try to convey the topic of non-violent communication at my daughter's school. She had a pretty violent class, and she too suffered from violence here and there (and even used violence sometimes). I have built 6 lesson plans that are suitable for an elementary school, and they are here for use by anyone who wants to teach this content to their children's classroom ... Presentations have simple examples suitable for children, videos and games that children will connect to. Feel free to download the presentations, study them and pass them on.

 

In my vision, this language is an integral part of the education system, from kindergarten to the end of high school. Teachers will speak it, and children will learn other ways of coping that do not involve violence.

 

Violence, even the mildest, leaves scars, harms the psyche and takes a long time to recover from. Violence, in its broadest sense, in my eyes includes anything that makes us uncomfortable: shouting, bullying, insulting, laughing at someone, belittling someone, making someone feel guilty, ashamed or afraid, and of course verbal violence, physical violence, and more. Children learn very quickly to develop defense mechanisms when violence is used against them, but it comes at a heavy price.

 

Not only do children quickly understand non-violent communication, in my view this is the only way to develop a long-term and stable relationship with our children or our students. It has sincerity, directness, respect, sharing from the heart and therefore connection. You can start with this language already in kindergarten, and there is a warm recommendation for a book that helped me a lot to translate the principles I read in Marshall's book into the language of children.

 

Recommended for parents, teachers and children. From the heart.

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